aimless... dis is wad i am..

AIM.. wad a gud thin yet sometime is a dream.. impossible.. bt if there is no, is no end for ur normal life.. lik in a marathon, u will run w/out a destination... juz for ntg, juz to find an aim, d final destination.. if nt, u cn oni run untill u find it, or run till u end ur laz breath.. =(
when ppl are young, we use to dream.. mek impossible in our minds.. since we would nt hv enuf common sense.. lik bcum a scientist, doctor or astronuts.. bt when we live longer, all v noe, all we hv to do is to study hard for dat.. is nt an easy option to b one.. do u hv d potential? or it was juz sayin oni? cnt or cn? depend on d paper, wad grade u are.. study lik pile of mountain to get a piece of paper.. A? B?
Not evi1 cn do wad job that they lik, live to work, or do u work to live? but evi start from Noob.. yup, i agree.. yet, w/out d ethutiasm for it, will u? will u even hv d hapinez on doin it? is it tirin enuf? it juz luk lik a simple job, normal sulkin job juz to do for living.. to me.... is it an aim? many ppl's aim juz gone when they bcum adult.. many ppl lose their dreams, after dat.. juz live a normal life, work, eat n sleep..
i wish i would hv a dream.. an aim.. i was waitin for s/1 to cum out n tell me.. which cn gv me a hint i was capable in which path.. I, cnt decide.. i.. reli cnt.. =( i am too picky i guess.. nw all i wan was a dream, bt no1 was to cum tell me wad was it... no1 noe d future.. no1 knew except me, dis is wad usual ppl think.. bt i'm diff... =(
all i wan is a steady job, high incum, to help myself, n help my family, use those money to support my family.. support my brothers further studies.. eventho i noe they will lik, playin games n neglect their studies.. i duno nw, i wan an AIM nw.. do u hv any? do u reached urs? =)
when i c my frenz, they hv mayb aim i guez, or dreams.. bt me, i dun... =( i dun partically lik anythin.. i lik manga n stuff, bt i dun them as a job, is a hobby.. is in ART, n i dun reli wan to sacrifice my future for a hobby dat may juz laz worthwhile.. if i cn study science, i juz go for it.. bt ltr, hw am i gonna do? makin a path is hardwork.. =( haiz...
frenz which wanted to b psychologist.. i think is reli admirable.. cuz i noe d path for bein a doctor is hard.. =) n they hv aim lik dat.. or mayb seein a fren which hv potential in some thin in her future, it's reli admirable too.. well, mayb lik fisshy hu hv potential on design.. i mean lik doin in beauty salon.. facial such.. she reli hv knowledge on them... =) or mayb fren lik wenn which wan to b a psychologiz, evitime she say, i think is great to hv an aim.. even we cnt b sure for havin d confident goin down d path we once aim for, bt at liz, we dream b4.. =] at liz, went thinkin abt of.. eventho is out of our potential, bt at liz... lik my uncle say, aim for d star, yet eventho u cnt reach d star, eventually u still end up havin d moon.. =) i guess eventho is a gud words to encourage a person which well, cnt reli achieve his "star" he mention, which is 5A in SPM, bt mayb he cn b true.. bt still, no AIM.. wth.. haiz....... >_>" reli suck, when will i reli gt it?
arghh... i envy ppl hu hv potential on thins!! lik me, i dun hv.. terrible!! =( lik wenn hv potential on novel writin, damn gud.. fisshy was styling.. nice lar.. sis was, performance..! all dis ppl i noe which hv potential, reli reli reli... haiz.. too great jor.. =( d oni thin i think i am ok was draw.. yet, nt paint.. compare to mangaka, i still suck.. long time ago, usually we used to sing, n wenn, angeline, pei yi, cullyn, n other of them say i sing well, bt to me, i still suck compare to d winning singing champion sis i hv in my family.. i suck at dance oso, eventho i noe, i learn b4 hip hop or join dance club since i was 8 till 11.. i still suck.. n furthermore.. ppl around me juz hv talent for music.. n i was nt.. =( y am i such a lousy person... arghhhh!!!! frustrated.. no aim, uselez me...
i actually wanted to b a specialist surgeon.. yet, lez den 5 sec, i guess i cancel d thoughts.. cuz i think i'm afraid of blood, i dun think i am suitable enuf.. =( HAIZ!!!! any1 cn save me from dis uselez bin..? ><" rotten from uselessness.. =(

ok, nw crap tokin is over.. let's update wif d blog diary..
actually ntg much, juz lil den b4.. d poz b4 i think is d longez poz i EVER post in d blog... o_O wow, so many words, i myself read again oso.. haha.. i reli appreciate ppl hu read fin dat.. seriously!! =) thank you again..
thursday, ntg much, end skul, go to tesco.. den ltr go toilet, on d way, saw a trim cut, well d word say quick n my mum was kinda irritated wif my hair.. so push me along to it n cut.. cut shorter jor n layer it.. samo den ltr, go shoppin.. first thin i go buy stationary.. i wan to find a glue stick oso so hard.. = ='' all lousy brand...... arghh.. no choice so buy it.. buy a stack of examination paper.. for skul n tuition use.. a new mechanical pencil.. bt din use yet.. n correction tape refill, i duno where i throw d "body" for d refiller.. = =" suck.. and den samo er... =/ erm........... i haven mention dat they cut, nt reli reli gud.. well, d bez is still cut ownself.. bt d layer part still nid go salon lar... usually i go salon n cut.. =/ dis one cut untill, i duno hw to say, mayb i luk weird i guez... laz time i oso trim my hair myself.. n i rmb d next day fisshy is d first hu ask me did i cut my hair.. =) i was surprised... well, n i duno y i answer wrongly to her.. n ltr i juz forgot n try rmb it, n lucky i rmb wad she ask me juz nw.. cuz i tot se askin me another situation.. ><" lousy ear i hv.. haha... =D n den ar, nvr stay bek for d biology.. cuz, laz time go, oso meetin.. nw, they seem to hv change d day to tuesday.. so i guez mayb juz ok.. =/ wif 4A.. yet still, i dun feel lik goin oso.. my mum sure dun reli wan to fetch me.. n well, she meetin, no stay bek.. d thin i noe, it was well, we end at physic class ltr.. den it was a rocket competiotion which d rocket make out of bottle.. n well, is nice view in d 2nd floor... n our class even cheer so laod in there! haha.. bt too bad it's very late n v cnt c our claz present.. so is a gudbye, bt when cum out, mum nt there, duno where she is.. i noe wenn is kind enuf to stay bhind a while wif me.. i reli thanks her.. =) she reli is a kind fren.. n den ar.. den go tesco n such, i say edi.. ok, den no tuition, at home com a lil, sleep..
friday was normal, juz dat many thin is abt d mssd for chez competition.. goin to sefield skul next monday, d pressure!! =( u noe, lik goin to compete those pros in chez and i hv to b participatin for in d state comp of chess!! in seafield skul!! i never go there b4, nor even play gud at chess!! arghhh!!! =( d pressure, d tension... =( die in chezz pieces.. so scared nw after then, to hear a word................................... would u wan to noe wad is it?

friday gt pjk, went wear pjk for 2 days duno y.. and den add mt claz no electricity there.. wow.. n he call us to fin up our h/w, ltr gt d teacher orientation or s/thin.. duno.. den ltr no more.. and den, math was lik, omg, ,he call us go to d 2nd floor com room.. i duno wad name of d room is dat bt is com inside.. n he use projector.. reli, he dun nid so advance thin to teach those.. n well, juz copy den tok tok tok.. ntg much.. pjk was lik, wan play badminton bt no more racket.. so play skippin rope bt i duno hw to swing lik double dutch thingy.. so i pass it to ke xin n pei yi to do.. n d laz mia was slowly adaptin wif d 2 rope jumping.. i blif she cn mek it lil by lil.. =) n yuki was lik, woosh, swing so faz wif her hand n den jump jump jump lik walau.. cn even turn d rope when jump.. faz.. n me.... cnt.... =( sadly, i duno hw to jump, lol! juz skip skip den hop... end, tired.. after skul, den ltr st.john... den fin wif st.john, wait for mum to cum.. wow, so late.. wait wif angeline in d bus stop.. n i tell u, bus stop is reli a scary place to be.. many indians... which well, scary.. i dun mean any offense in other gud indians.. i mean lik dat time, angeline see b4 group of indians went bullying a clazmate in d bus stop there, so angeline was oso kinda scared.. n ltr her mum came, n she was callin for me to go.. i mean dun stay in d bus stop.. n i was lik call her to go to her mum there, dun worry.. pat her on her back n let her go, n say bye to her.. =) n den, went to wok n wait a lil bside d road under a tree.. den my mum cum, so late.. ltr was lik, go bek, usual thin n den use com.. bla bla.. ltr gt rdy for tuition... zzz...
d oni thin which is surprisin, is dat ai menn(tuition fren) said she had cut connection wif d triplet i used to noe.. ok, mayb u duno hu r they, sori... =( bt well, i was suprised cuz 1 of d triplet was once my primary bez fren, Chermaine.. n i was surprised which end their frenship was a guy.. she assume ai menn snatch her boyfren in her letter tellin ai menn she cnt b fren wif her, well, nt in d anger mode.. n ai menn was lik, angry? i duno, bt i nvr tot ppl reli chg alot.. =( after 4 years, does she hv to fight for a uselez guy? i mean i duno hu it is or wad, bt shouldn't they juz nid to put time in study den lovey dovey fight? - -" why ppl i noe chg when i am nt around them anymore... i reli duno they r d same ppl i used to noe anot edi... reli scared after goin to college, will my fren change too? =( well, depend d changes is gud or bad lar... haiz...
my mum used to tell me, "fren is nt reliable, they will nt follow u forever, u cn mek another new one anytime n anywhere u go".. n u noe, i always hate dis word she said, bt mayb i was too naive to think dat is nt, or mayb i juz duno... =( s/time, ppl's action reli cn hurt even juz a lil, i duno... i guez when u hurt others, others deserve to hurt u either.. so u reli cnt say selfish thin lik always b by my side n stuff.. bcuz well, dis is reality.. =( they hv their freedom, so walking away is unevitable... there is oni 2 option, plead them to accompany u, or... let them go, which, hurts u.. bt to me, i dun lik tying up s/1's free will, so for me, i let them do the choice, if they wan, i respect n gv a smile to them if they were anyway.. eventho is nt wad i felt in heart which reality was breakin from pieces to pieces of disappointment..... =( nt evi1 is perfect, so no1 is anyone's another.. mayb i am tokin crap here, bt oh well... bt still, why, no1 does noe wad i think in my mind, was it too complicated to noe? =( i wonder........ zzz... bt simple as dat, no1 noe.. since brain is juz me havin.. lol... so complicated thin, juz store in a side.. no energy to think anymore.... arghh!! oo.. n chemistry teacher on leave so d usual other chemistry which is kinda, lil nt-manly-guy which teach in girl private skul came on relif.. zz...

SATURDAY, which is today, gotta say no peace day.. from mornin is scream from dad n mum.. cnt sleep well.. n wake up, i noe mum was scoldin bro for refusin to go tuition.. n den saw me n scold me for doin d hse chores.. n den tok to sis a lil, bla bla.. i noe is i ask her i hv no aim, well, i write d post since mornin.. den leave n go n bek n go... n she tok untill d course of her college thingy.. study sure is hard! bt my question still does nt came to an answer.. ask a wrong person anyway.. =/ mum n dad went out, i noe they were furious on things.. haiz... = =" n den afternoon was instant noodle... all my other bro n sis eat dry noodle.. me eat noodle wif soup.. all d brand is "mee sedaap".. it also means "delicious noodle".. i duno hw many packet they hv eaten... = =" i oni noe they cook n cook n cook again n again.. - -" bt we all still skinny lik stick oni.. all..
i rmb chess comp was near, i on9 msn for some time.. bt mainly yea, on for playin wif mia, yet missed d chance ytd... i left my msn on9 n went off tuition, bt she juz on9 on dat time.. zz... bt nvm, b4 dat chat wif wenn, den after cum bek from tuition time is yuki tok to me.. ask her to send me some requested song from me via msn, den i ask to play game.. ended up playin a minesbomb oso so damn hard, i mean is nt d game, is d PATIENCE!! i'm lik wth.. we wait so loooooong n ended up gt prob!!! crap!!
and another thin, more worse den ever..!! which is..................................................................................... msn.... gt NO CHESS!!!! wth!!!!! =( ruin my mood when i knew dat.. suck... no chess, duno facebook gt anot.. bt i bet we cnt play there oso since mia dun hv account for facebook... haiz.. let's face doom on monday.. =) smile..
anyway, today walau, anger in d hse.. dun even dare to go out from d room.. = =" eventho is nt reli my prob, is bro or sis, bt still... bein drag in for ntg oso for sure.. n well, ntg much to say, oni gt lik b4 watch tv, saw discovery channel hv d history on rome thingy.. all fighters in d ancient, n den they dig out bones n fractures on it, damn cool when they made it to real life scene for d reason, hypothesis n motion.. n all was buried in York.. n my sis after watchin fin, she say, "I wan to go York to see, reli cool!". n oso we gt say, "this is wad history are, so damn cool! nt lik ours which hv soo many islam thin n tokin to great sacrifice they put on other country's civilisation.. = =" no offense, bt i juz think they put too much pressure n forced us to read them, is juz makin d side effect for us hatin it more den normal... seriously, i mean d studies of d history in college.. all was force to tek.. = =" for lettin us know hw great was islam? to know our status n placin which is under d islam ppl? i guez ppl usually thin too easy which reli cn c thru it too damn easy s/time.. n causin side effect.. for dislikin it.. i din reli say dat cuz i haven went to college yet bt almoz most of d ppl was dislikin dat subject in my sis skul! so is juz causin more worse, dun they even think dat should they b civilised too? so outdate which young ppl juz dislik it anyway, cn't they see dat? o_O wad weird thikin which lead many ppl dislikin to b part of d place here... i duno, bt dis is wad they all think... haiz.... = =" burden oni...
ok lar, end here... reli appreciate readin my post.. haiz.... thx for readin n ttfn~~!!