it was half a year i think, since the last post.
i really don't seem to be work up much in the blog, kinda lazy these days during the times after school had ended for me.
half a year, many things change since the last post i did.
i leave Mahsa Uni after around end of April, with a last min e-mail to the head of pre-uni department, Dr. James Walsh. i feel sorry since my parents was the one that think it is unnecessary to confront with him about the matter of accepting an offer from another college with a scholarship.
i try out my sister's college which is Tunku Abdul Rahman college with the result i had in SPM of 8A1B. and one day during class in Mahsa, a phone call telling me i got offered.
that moment, i was panicked on what to do, which to choose, stay or change, move forward or leave and start anew.
it was a 75% scholarship on my first and last choice of studies when i apply, Cambridge A Level in Science was one and only choice i wrote during the application.
my dad tell me staying in Mahsa pre-uni foundation in science, then continue degree there for dentistry.
my mum think since having scholarship, go for it.
my sis was agreeing to me being accepted in her college since she do not need to fetch me to and fro to class if i continue at Mahsa, but just stay with her at KL near the college.
In the end, just right before few weeks from the sem examintion of Mahsa Uni, i left and went to the orientation in TARC for Cambridge A Level in Science majoring Biology.
it lasted a week, and i was alone that time. no one was there with me, i sat between people, and no matter where i stare, there are in a group, not like me, just sitting quietly.
the only person i knew was my childhood friend which i never met for 5 years is taking the same course i did.
she was the youngest among her sis, they were a triplet.
my fren, Chermaine took CAL(cambridge a level) in ART majoring Law, her oldest sis took the same as me, CAL in Science majoring Biology, and her 2nd sis took CAL in ART majoring maths.
i was alone, so i often ask my sis to guide me along the campus since she is a senior there.
the campus was closed for a week during the orientation week, and only newbies which are freshmen like us only be found around the college.
by bringing my sis along with me, many scouting member of a society or participant for a competition such as a beauty pageant often find my sis beside me which is not legal to participate since she is not a freshmen.
i was worry with many things, friends, classmate, studies...
even traffic got into my nerves since a 40 min drive from my home to college turn out to be around 2 hours or more with traffic congestion along the whole highway.
class at 9am, start the journey at 6.30am to reach in time.
to say the truth, is not easy to maintain the same routine all the time like that, even i will be going crazy.
thus, we end up renting a master bedroom, just me and my sis, in a new condominium near the college that have a college facilities which is the bus service to and fro.
it was a new unit and the whole condo was only open to move in by May, so we have to endure the traffic till June only being available.
there is swimming pool, Gym, normal household facilities like fridge, water heater and so on.
comparing to the old hostel in the college which my friends stay in, they were force to walk 30min back to the hostel from hostel everyday. even if for me who is staying at a far away condo, by using bus, i do not need to walk that far and that long time to even reach back. i really respect them alot, it is also a healthy to keep fit since they have no choice but to walk that far, u should know that the whole college is too big to even walk from one end to another.
it feels like more then 20 or 30 times of my secondary school.size. i somehow felt aches in my kidney for no reason in walking that far once, i hope i would not go through again.
when class start, of course, the first day i was alone then.
we start by having lecture in a lecture hall, with 4 classes, SN14D,E,G,H.
by the way, i am SN14G class. ^_^
S=Science, N=November end our course, 14=2014 end our course, G is the class.
i met Alicia, and we just stay and met each other at that 1 hour lecture class.
she was E class, different from mine.
and to the next class, it was another lecture hall we need to go, and by then, i met her, Alfonsa Choo.
she was sitting with her roommate and both of them were from Sarawak.
i was glad to met someone from our class, and it seem after that, we have practical class only for individual class not like lectures.
i was with her, finding the road to the C block where our practical class is.
we found senior walking by and asking them, we had the wrong direction.
we can't blame them, the college was too big, even after months, other then the blocks where my class are, i don't even know the others since it was so much to even recognize and remember.
the class i expect it was in total silent, and we both sat at the last row.
the teacher was a newcomer which start working in TARC for the 3rd day.
his voice is soft and we cant hear since the last row is too hard for us to even listen, so we went laughing and chit chating along. and out of curiosity, i was surprised a girl i met at the lecture which caught my eye since she had a face that seems like she almost feel like crying, was sitting infront of me.
i was telling Alfonsa, let's make some friends. and i went doing something stupid, by suddenly rocking her chair from the back, she was frighten and look back, and we ask her, what was her name and she answer it was "Shu Jie".
she was older by us a year due to being exchange student a year to Switzerland.
she was cool, gone to Italy, England, Germany, France and some other Europe countries alone without her families.
we 3 went eat lunch together, and i felt glad to met ppl like them.
the next few days, i met Wei Hwei which we call her "wei wei" instead, and her new friend, Shermaine. i asked them to join in our group and who knows, now we are best buddies.
to say the truth, i never realize, i was the one the connect people together all along, to have us as a group, i am kinda glad. =3
but due to my personality, i am abit different from them.
they all are pretty daring, i am serious, and i am the shy type.
they dun mind being close to random guys, making fun of others(not a bad type, is more towards the funny way), it was fun having them around, but sometimes, it seems i dont fit in much.
they are open minded alot more than i do, touching guys for fun like nothing matters, making jokes or confessing for fun, wow, they are daring. of course people knew it was a joke, because this are what they always do.
i kinda envy them sometimes, for how they act without any worries, without any much thought.
just straight on what is going in their mind, i was happy to knew them, it was a new experience to me.
many things i never tried before came.
went out karaoke last min for an hour during break time to celebrate birthday and end up late for class, went to KLCC for fun after school with LRT together and spend our day playing in kiddies playground, staying over to Shermaine house with Shu jie to bake cake for wei wei birthday, playing Counter Strike online game at the nearby Cyber Center after school because we have nothing to do and end up murdering each other in games, force to fit 8 people in a 5 seat car, which make 6 ppl have to squeeze into a 3 seat place. XD
(well, i am skinny so end up sitting on me Shu jie's lap. haha)
many silly stuff in class, and the awesome thing among us is.
when there is food, snatch is the onl thing we do best. sharing food.
once we ask our sponsor, Tony which is a fake name Alfonsa name Dek Jun since his name was not easy to remember when we first met him, and since we call hime Tony though he say not to call him that.
back to the sentence, ask Tony to sponsor us eating Snowflakes(blended ice? something like that, snowflake is the brand name), that was great!
our canteen have Snowflakes, MarryBrown, RT bakery and random food stores.
other then Tony(dek jun), we gave our classmate mostly guys nickname like
Thomas(cheng yip), Tom(harry), Jerry(idk what is his real name still), Bobby(wai hong) and so on..
oh, and i even try hoping a new friend named Vicky to join in our gang, so it make a 6 of us together.
Me, Alfonsa, Shermaine, Shu jie, Wei wei, Vicky~ ^o^
there was once i was sad due to the result, wei wei was the smartest among us, then shu jie.
i was just around the borderline to maintain my scholarship.
but the rest of the 3 was not, so i try my best to help them get marks with wei wei and shu jie for them to pass and maintain their scholarship at average 60 with no fails.
i am kinda glad eventhough there are times when i felt lonely with them, since i am that silent i guess.
but i am grateful to them to have me around. =)
and i was also glad to have my old friends around me, supporting me for what i am feeling that time.
when i was sick, my bro Eric which is also my childhood friend was worried of my condition, cheering me up when i am taking the examination,
my dear Wenn giving me comfort when i was down and needing someone to cry and talk to after the examination,
my childhood friend, Chermaine who was also trying to cheer me up before the holiday and try inviting me to her friend bday party, although it end up i remain silent and awkward.. >_<
and also i miss my family alot when i start staying outside my home and had to live at school 5 days a week.
i start knowing that many things change.
just like in Mahsa i was often sad everyday, stress all the time.
sad of being used, lonely, ignored..
my only 2 friends, tzai fung stayed and continue her studies there.
Wei yi widraw after sem 1 examination, start working under her dad's company few months and now, she is taking business course i guess in Taylor Lakeside campus.
now, though studies become harder than expected, seriously harder than FIS, but life become interesting, many new things i get to knew of.
life isnt gonna change if we wanted to, is us who need to try turning it around with decision or adapting the way it is.
no matter what, i am sure it may be a tough road ahead of me, yup.
but who knows, i may not end up being a dentist, but something else unexpected?
but i knew i wont be a good doctor, there are too many to concern if i tried being one.
my sis join beauty pageant in the year, i do hope she won something.
i always miss my friends, wenn yuki mia pei yi and so on..
but when every friend is in different oathways now, it seems it is really hard to meet up often.
even now, my sem break, i am just sleep eat and read novels or spend most of the time watching korean drama.
the master's sun, good doctor, i hear your voice, shark,i also feel like watching 'no breathing' movie with 2 main actors i knew of.
no life.. seriously.. manga also read... end up never study.. =3=
anyway, i think i am mostly done with talking abt what gone through these times.
maybe..
and those who really took effort in reading this loooong post, i do respect and am really grateful to you,
THANK YOU.
arigatou.
kamsahamida?
XD
hope to see myself active in blog. and will end here then.
ttfn. ^w^
~+~уцмї-cнaйのЬlоg~+~ •••❤
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
2013, life when i turned 18
Its been long since the last time i ever update this blog. 1 year plus if not mistaken. not to mention, i am not much active in facebook, twitter, or even phone messages was not much in used often. Yet, i still hope even so, i still can get to meet and stay in contact with the friends i knew that their existence meant a lot to me.. though we don't often brag much to each others, or even talk always, but when i remember those 5 years in school, it was so fast, in a glimpse, everyone is now moving forward towards different paths that lead to various different kind of future.. and including myself here, i learnt that somehow friends are really not easy to find. whenever i had them, we were glad to be together, but when separated, i realized that the people i thought i could live on even if they weren't by my side, is actually so important to me.
I stepped into the university life this Jan, and in the start, is just orientation with activities like breaking the ice and so on.. it last for a week, but not 7 days, just around 5 days total right before the day class started. I was late, due to traffic congestion, and also not to say, 9am is a bad timing to go big city areas, and i was needed to attend the orientation on time. skipping the traffics, i rushed into the class stated on the list of orientation programs and it was a very big class eventually. i walked to the back and sit alone. it was just briefing so it was not so important that i missed it. i ask a girl in front of me, as i am the only one sitting in the last row, asking her did i miss anything. she looks quite to me, and then i ask her name, she replied "wei yi" and asked mine. and after we kept silent as our conversation turned to an end. few minutes later, a girl stepped into the class, it was obvious enough she was late, and she sat the row behind me. i smiled at her. =) we never talked.
After briefing ends, we had to arrange chair to the back, and it was more then hundreds of it.. o_o and one hand holding bag, it was like i missed my old pal, yuki who often lift a hand on carrying chairs for others. and then the girl who was late help a little, and i started asking her name, it's 'yu hua'. is always needed to do for the first step to make a friend. i tried my best, doing things i don't usually does. and i realize, i had an ex-schoolmate same class as me, and i thought it was my imagination seeing him on the talk during the registration day. we don't know much of each other, and i knew him because he was in the first class in school, and i was second. and his name was always being heard from a fren of mine, yue wey that she always find him in his class about studies. he appear before me, and i was surprise he was in the same class. but, we didn't talk much, just greetings.
we were put into 6 groups, not decided by ourselves, and i turned out to be in a group with one of the girl i knew, yu hua. and so, the group have 3 chinese girl, me, yu hua, and a "tzai fung". there is people from Foundation In Science(FIS) like me, and also people aiming for diploma in physiotherapy, medical imaging, nursing, dental laboratory, pharmacy and etc... and i was friends with the 2 girls. =)
After that, we had lunch. i saw wei yi alone and invite her to the friends i met just that day. and the orientation week was not so worst. but when the presentation come, i never took part of any. the other 2 they join singing. me and wei yi never joined in, but i don't know why we don't talk much. Yu hua was a very cheerful girl, and she always lighted the spirit of others. but one thing about her i realize, is that she was too socialize, and she never came to a specific group. she will tend to join others sometime and might tend to forget others. she was a nice girl, and so it was not easy to find her cause she was always with different people.
the rest of us 3, will take lunch together. starting i thought they were okay towards me. maybe i got my hopes up a little. they both stay in hostel, so we went for a mini "tour" to their rooms. the hostel there was not so good in condition, but staying there have the good and bad side from it. they escaped from jam, but stuck with the cafeteria's food almost everyday. i cannot bear, even just eating lunch there every time made me feel unappetizing actually. and it wasn't very cheap to start of for the price. Still can recalled that when i was in school back then, me and my friends never stepped into the canteen to buy food, even if we do, is either twice a year is the maximum amount we do. or even none. we stayed in class, chit-chatting and not to say, spend our time together in a group.
when go to university, classes end till evening. and mine was 9am till 5pm. so it was total need to not skip lunch,since we do not have any breaks among the classes other then lunch time stated in the timetable. even though classes start at 9, i had to wake up at 5.45am every morning to get ready to class. around 6.45am after my brothers leave for school, and dad leave for work, i had to get ready starting my journey facing the traffic jams. i cannot believe having myself stuck for around 2hours in a 30 minutes trip to my university. when i reached school, is either 8.30am like that. and when going back home, is worst then ever. i had tried stuck in traffic adding up pouring heavy rains for 3 hours plus. and when got back, my dad ask where we went to, the time taken is able to make a trip from our house to our neighbouring country, Singapore.
My class for foundation in science consist 5 subject in semester 1 and 2. there are Biology, Chemistry, Physic, Maths and MUET(Malaysia University English Test). and for semester 3, is not so important compare to the previous 2 semester. It have 4 subject that is different, Psychology IT and Malaysian studies with Moral subject is just for Malaysian student. Our GPA 60% goes to exam, 40% goes to assessment per subject. 40% include practical, quiz, test and so on.. sounds easy, but is not easy as it take to me. total practical marks was 10% or 20%, but the total amount of practical is around 10 per semester, depend on subject, there is also 13 per sem, 1 practical total mark is 20 mark. and practical reports need to be all correct and done to get full 20 marks in just a SINGLE 1 practical. not to mention there is others waiting behind, and adding up together to get the marks turned into max 20% in GPA, if i got full marks in 1 practical, will it made my marks in GPA just merely 1.xxx% in it when i got a FULL 20 marks? i'm gonna go crazy. there is 5 subject! not to mention quiz for every subject is a must, and is almost every week we got quiz per subject. so if 5 subject the same, everyday quiz/test in class.. even though is just 30mins for quiz, it seems so little of time, and it have to done to get marks.. - -" Maths was like Add maths, only plus more extra, so some people say is hard.. but is just not so good, not so bad to me, make me miss add maths.. MUET was the worst subject i had, is english, but not easy to me. i admit my english is not that good, and for MUET placing exam, i just got a 67% for just reading and a paragraph of writing. not to mention listening and speaking part, i am dead meat. even essays don't seem easy to me, i think my english standard degraded after had to study it. i am just not so good at it. =(
so i skip parts, and go to the friend part. after starting FIS class, i realize the friend i know are somehow different from what i thought of. maybe is my problem? wei yi, yu hua and tzai fung usually went out together even if their different class, and i just keep silent when the other 2 talk things like their planing. (yu hua is not FIS) I felt somehow awkward in a sense which i do not know what the planing is, cause they never invite me to go, but it seems like they think i should know and talk in front of me. i just smiled and listen, i never made up comments much. they have plans after class, and i was being fetched by my sister. so i had to wait. and when the times comes for their planing to go "Burgar Lab" and eat with Yu hua with her friends, they only ask me, 'u got go or not?'. and i was like, i couldn't cause they never mention to me earlier, and so it made me forced a smile saying i cannot cause i really dunno about the plans they made. Is okay, i think, i could go home earlier, since i am not staying hostel, going back will be very heavy jam.
so it came to grouping then, 2 person in one, and i knew our group was just 3 person. so i asked them how, there isn't an answer being replied. when the teacher asked us to write our names, wei yi wrote hers on a group, and tell one of us, 'don't leave me alone ar, if not i will kill u two'.. and ended up we need to decide who is giving up. i wanted to be a group with wei yi, i suggesting taking turns, but it seems tzai fung wasn't very much please to it. so in the end, i give up, i wrote my name first in a new group, and personally write her name with wei yi. because she said to me, "you never stay in hostel, after anything needed, how to find you?". i was like, is not me who doesn't want to stay, my parents let me be in that Uni because for not staying in the hostel if not she would just let me go to the indonesia or where ever is cheap for dentistry courses. i know the other two is stay in hostel and meet up often, but how can she give me a reason like that? as if blaming me for not staying in hostel is not suitable to be in a group with her. i'm fine, and i don't want to argue. i don't dare to write my name with wei yi even though i'm holding the pen first. i knew give and take is important, so let it be.
and when it comes to studies, i cannot depend on others much. I am not smart at all, needing someone to guide whenever i face a problem seems normal to me. i always was grateful to my friend, Pei Yi who always help out the question i ask her. She was a top student, and she was a very kind and helpful person. but not seeing often in my class. i try my best helping them when they are in need, and when i ask, it was different thing. they either tell me never heard this part, or is tell me is just follow what the books written. and had no choice. i felt they sometime take advantage which i let them copy my answer, i help them with question, i don't get mad at them, i let them be cause i try my best to be friends. that time was before chinese new year, and i was kinda depressed about this matter. i knew it wasn't much problem to others, but i started to dislike going to that uni, imagining staying with them, for the next few years.. and being treated like they ignore my existence.
during the new years, i got contact from my darling wenn, dear yuki, and my friends.. after all the depression from classes, i really really missed them. it was sad cannot make it to see wenn after so long, ans of course, the main reason i use this blog and write this post is also because of her. =) bet she knew that.
It was fun when yuki came visit me on the new year, i had to clean my messy room for that noon when the lion dance will be held in my house. and is rubbish all over.. haha.. and she willing to be my cleaner free of charge. ^_^ we spent most of the time cleaning my room, very funny. my sister cross by and say why am i so bad, ask friend to help me clean? i answer, she willing to do it.. yuki hor? XP
that is what i call friend, no matter what, u don't care, even still, they still be friend and accept u..
before class started, my mum ask me to wear a necklace like my sis. is a pink crystal that can help in relation with others as it was being said by them. and i start wearing it then. but in a way, it does help. the monday which classes start, i was being quite glad that day. i knew a new student who is elder then me by 2 years from tarc a levels is science who aim being a doctor. it was kinda good which made our group to be an even number so no one will be left out. i think things change a little.. but just a little.
i still get abandon by them 3 once in practical lab. but still okay, maybe is my problem for being a person others usually got forgotten in a side. they still have their habit, my answer, question and so.. but i'm still trying to look positive, hoping we will be in good condition. everyone is not perfect so am i, i also have flaws and i couldn't ask others to be perfect when i aren't one.
so friends issue is like that, and it was well.. not sure good or not. and studies issue was worst. went through 3 subject quiz, not very easy, not too hard.. not easy get marks. - -" and there is so many left to go through. sad life. everyday need study, but i cannot find the time i am willing to do so. even updating this post takes hours for me to type it all out, and i'm not even willing to use that time to study.. our FIS have no textbook, haiz..
anyway, i may not update this blog often. and i do get alot of spam in my chatbox. so if really so need reply, just write the comment under the blog, not so convenient, but at least i'm not treating one as a spam. i see my friends all have nice college life, unlike me. study, lunch, study, traffic jam, home, sleep, wake, repeat. no time to spent, few hours also waste in traffic jams. = ="
Malaysia traffic should make some improvement, not to even mention, there isn't any parking lot in my uni. it is a very lousy design from the architect who made this. seriously the worst design, building in a very busy highway with traffic jams, and there is no parking. lousy.
SPM result is almost coming, oh god.. hope it will be alright.. >_<"
btw, the post title saying i'm 18, but i never had birthday cake, or many present.. T^T
so sad year, is 18 u know. don't seem like a birthday to me. sad. haiz.
so thanks for reading this long post. ttfn. (^o^)/
I stepped into the university life this Jan, and in the start, is just orientation with activities like breaking the ice and so on.. it last for a week, but not 7 days, just around 5 days total right before the day class started. I was late, due to traffic congestion, and also not to say, 9am is a bad timing to go big city areas, and i was needed to attend the orientation on time. skipping the traffics, i rushed into the class stated on the list of orientation programs and it was a very big class eventually. i walked to the back and sit alone. it was just briefing so it was not so important that i missed it. i ask a girl in front of me, as i am the only one sitting in the last row, asking her did i miss anything. she looks quite to me, and then i ask her name, she replied "wei yi" and asked mine. and after we kept silent as our conversation turned to an end. few minutes later, a girl stepped into the class, it was obvious enough she was late, and she sat the row behind me. i smiled at her. =) we never talked.
After briefing ends, we had to arrange chair to the back, and it was more then hundreds of it.. o_o and one hand holding bag, it was like i missed my old pal, yuki who often lift a hand on carrying chairs for others. and then the girl who was late help a little, and i started asking her name, it's 'yu hua'. is always needed to do for the first step to make a friend. i tried my best, doing things i don't usually does. and i realize, i had an ex-schoolmate same class as me, and i thought it was my imagination seeing him on the talk during the registration day. we don't know much of each other, and i knew him because he was in the first class in school, and i was second. and his name was always being heard from a fren of mine, yue wey that she always find him in his class about studies. he appear before me, and i was surprise he was in the same class. but, we didn't talk much, just greetings.
we were put into 6 groups, not decided by ourselves, and i turned out to be in a group with one of the girl i knew, yu hua. and so, the group have 3 chinese girl, me, yu hua, and a "tzai fung". there is people from Foundation In Science(FIS) like me, and also people aiming for diploma in physiotherapy, medical imaging, nursing, dental laboratory, pharmacy and etc... and i was friends with the 2 girls. =)
After that, we had lunch. i saw wei yi alone and invite her to the friends i met just that day. and the orientation week was not so worst. but when the presentation come, i never took part of any. the other 2 they join singing. me and wei yi never joined in, but i don't know why we don't talk much. Yu hua was a very cheerful girl, and she always lighted the spirit of others. but one thing about her i realize, is that she was too socialize, and she never came to a specific group. she will tend to join others sometime and might tend to forget others. she was a nice girl, and so it was not easy to find her cause she was always with different people.
the rest of us 3, will take lunch together. starting i thought they were okay towards me. maybe i got my hopes up a little. they both stay in hostel, so we went for a mini "tour" to their rooms. the hostel there was not so good in condition, but staying there have the good and bad side from it. they escaped from jam, but stuck with the cafeteria's food almost everyday. i cannot bear, even just eating lunch there every time made me feel unappetizing actually. and it wasn't very cheap to start of for the price. Still can recalled that when i was in school back then, me and my friends never stepped into the canteen to buy food, even if we do, is either twice a year is the maximum amount we do. or even none. we stayed in class, chit-chatting and not to say, spend our time together in a group.
when go to university, classes end till evening. and mine was 9am till 5pm. so it was total need to not skip lunch,since we do not have any breaks among the classes other then lunch time stated in the timetable. even though classes start at 9, i had to wake up at 5.45am every morning to get ready to class. around 6.45am after my brothers leave for school, and dad leave for work, i had to get ready starting my journey facing the traffic jams. i cannot believe having myself stuck for around 2hours in a 30 minutes trip to my university. when i reached school, is either 8.30am like that. and when going back home, is worst then ever. i had tried stuck in traffic adding up pouring heavy rains for 3 hours plus. and when got back, my dad ask where we went to, the time taken is able to make a trip from our house to our neighbouring country, Singapore.
My class for foundation in science consist 5 subject in semester 1 and 2. there are Biology, Chemistry, Physic, Maths and MUET(Malaysia University English Test). and for semester 3, is not so important compare to the previous 2 semester. It have 4 subject that is different, Psychology IT and Malaysian studies with Moral subject is just for Malaysian student. Our GPA 60% goes to exam, 40% goes to assessment per subject. 40% include practical, quiz, test and so on.. sounds easy, but is not easy as it take to me. total practical marks was 10% or 20%, but the total amount of practical is around 10 per semester, depend on subject, there is also 13 per sem, 1 practical total mark is 20 mark. and practical reports need to be all correct and done to get full 20 marks in just a SINGLE 1 practical. not to mention there is others waiting behind, and adding up together to get the marks turned into max 20% in GPA, if i got full marks in 1 practical, will it made my marks in GPA just merely 1.xxx% in it when i got a FULL 20 marks? i'm gonna go crazy. there is 5 subject! not to mention quiz for every subject is a must, and is almost every week we got quiz per subject. so if 5 subject the same, everyday quiz/test in class.. even though is just 30mins for quiz, it seems so little of time, and it have to done to get marks.. - -" Maths was like Add maths, only plus more extra, so some people say is hard.. but is just not so good, not so bad to me, make me miss add maths.. MUET was the worst subject i had, is english, but not easy to me. i admit my english is not that good, and for MUET placing exam, i just got a 67% for just reading and a paragraph of writing. not to mention listening and speaking part, i am dead meat. even essays don't seem easy to me, i think my english standard degraded after had to study it. i am just not so good at it. =(
so i skip parts, and go to the friend part. after starting FIS class, i realize the friend i know are somehow different from what i thought of. maybe is my problem? wei yi, yu hua and tzai fung usually went out together even if their different class, and i just keep silent when the other 2 talk things like their planing. (yu hua is not FIS) I felt somehow awkward in a sense which i do not know what the planing is, cause they never invite me to go, but it seems like they think i should know and talk in front of me. i just smiled and listen, i never made up comments much. they have plans after class, and i was being fetched by my sister. so i had to wait. and when the times comes for their planing to go "Burgar Lab" and eat with Yu hua with her friends, they only ask me, 'u got go or not?'. and i was like, i couldn't cause they never mention to me earlier, and so it made me forced a smile saying i cannot cause i really dunno about the plans they made. Is okay, i think, i could go home earlier, since i am not staying hostel, going back will be very heavy jam.
so it came to grouping then, 2 person in one, and i knew our group was just 3 person. so i asked them how, there isn't an answer being replied. when the teacher asked us to write our names, wei yi wrote hers on a group, and tell one of us, 'don't leave me alone ar, if not i will kill u two'.. and ended up we need to decide who is giving up. i wanted to be a group with wei yi, i suggesting taking turns, but it seems tzai fung wasn't very much please to it. so in the end, i give up, i wrote my name first in a new group, and personally write her name with wei yi. because she said to me, "you never stay in hostel, after anything needed, how to find you?". i was like, is not me who doesn't want to stay, my parents let me be in that Uni because for not staying in the hostel if not she would just let me go to the indonesia or where ever is cheap for dentistry courses. i know the other two is stay in hostel and meet up often, but how can she give me a reason like that? as if blaming me for not staying in hostel is not suitable to be in a group with her. i'm fine, and i don't want to argue. i don't dare to write my name with wei yi even though i'm holding the pen first. i knew give and take is important, so let it be.
and when it comes to studies, i cannot depend on others much. I am not smart at all, needing someone to guide whenever i face a problem seems normal to me. i always was grateful to my friend, Pei Yi who always help out the question i ask her. She was a top student, and she was a very kind and helpful person. but not seeing often in my class. i try my best helping them when they are in need, and when i ask, it was different thing. they either tell me never heard this part, or is tell me is just follow what the books written. and had no choice. i felt they sometime take advantage which i let them copy my answer, i help them with question, i don't get mad at them, i let them be cause i try my best to be friends. that time was before chinese new year, and i was kinda depressed about this matter. i knew it wasn't much problem to others, but i started to dislike going to that uni, imagining staying with them, for the next few years.. and being treated like they ignore my existence.
during the new years, i got contact from my darling wenn, dear yuki, and my friends.. after all the depression from classes, i really really missed them. it was sad cannot make it to see wenn after so long, ans of course, the main reason i use this blog and write this post is also because of her. =) bet she knew that.
It was fun when yuki came visit me on the new year, i had to clean my messy room for that noon when the lion dance will be held in my house. and is rubbish all over.. haha.. and she willing to be my cleaner free of charge. ^_^ we spent most of the time cleaning my room, very funny. my sister cross by and say why am i so bad, ask friend to help me clean? i answer, she willing to do it.. yuki hor? XP
that is what i call friend, no matter what, u don't care, even still, they still be friend and accept u..
before class started, my mum ask me to wear a necklace like my sis. is a pink crystal that can help in relation with others as it was being said by them. and i start wearing it then. but in a way, it does help. the monday which classes start, i was being quite glad that day. i knew a new student who is elder then me by 2 years from tarc a levels is science who aim being a doctor. it was kinda good which made our group to be an even number so no one will be left out. i think things change a little.. but just a little.
i still get abandon by them 3 once in practical lab. but still okay, maybe is my problem for being a person others usually got forgotten in a side. they still have their habit, my answer, question and so.. but i'm still trying to look positive, hoping we will be in good condition. everyone is not perfect so am i, i also have flaws and i couldn't ask others to be perfect when i aren't one.
so friends issue is like that, and it was well.. not sure good or not. and studies issue was worst. went through 3 subject quiz, not very easy, not too hard.. not easy get marks. - -" and there is so many left to go through. sad life. everyday need study, but i cannot find the time i am willing to do so. even updating this post takes hours for me to type it all out, and i'm not even willing to use that time to study.. our FIS have no textbook, haiz..
anyway, i may not update this blog often. and i do get alot of spam in my chatbox. so if really so need reply, just write the comment under the blog, not so convenient, but at least i'm not treating one as a spam. i see my friends all have nice college life, unlike me. study, lunch, study, traffic jam, home, sleep, wake, repeat. no time to spent, few hours also waste in traffic jams. = ="
Malaysia traffic should make some improvement, not to even mention, there isn't any parking lot in my uni. it is a very lousy design from the architect who made this. seriously the worst design, building in a very busy highway with traffic jams, and there is no parking. lousy.
SPM result is almost coming, oh god.. hope it will be alright.. >_<"
btw, the post title saying i'm 18, but i never had birthday cake, or many present.. T^T
so sad year, is 18 u know. don't seem like a birthday to me. sad. haiz.
so thanks for reading this long post. ttfn. (^o^)/
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